Saturday, 28 September 2013

The English and Their Rules

I love this place and the people here. You should probably read the previous sentence again after you've read what follows...

It started with the pre-enrollment online induction. We were sent a link by Keele University and asked to complete this as soon as possible, and preferably before we arrived. I open the Web page from my phone, signed into my Keele account, and pressed "begin pre-enrollment online induction". It sounded awfully important - how could I possibly enroll at Keele if I hadn't pre-enrolled, after all, and how could I be properly inducted if I hadn't been inducted online first?

Please complete the 24 stage process now.

24 stages? 24? I was travelling the world, seeing wonderful people and places. I didn't have time or inclination to complete 24 stages! It would have to wait. I closed the Keele page and promptly forgot all about it.

Until I arrived at Keele.

"Do you have your accommodation pass?" I was asked. It turned out that after completing online pre-enrollment you were given the option to print an accommodation pass. I had all my bags with me, and was exhausted after travelling all day - but I wasn't allowed a room until I'd completed my 24 stages... I grat my teeth, and began.

I was instantly relieved. Each stage was a page of information about safety, regulations, etc. I thought briefly of Jeremy Clarkson having a go at British Health and Safety, and then went into Installing New Software On Microsoft Windows auto-pilot mode. NextNextNextNextNextNextNextNext. Leaping through the stages at an incredible speed, reading nothing at all. I only hit a slight snag on stage 22, a 10 minute long video where the "next" button refused to appear until the video had been watched. Luckily the fast forward functionality hadn't been disabled, and I put it to good use.

Thank you for completing the final stage. Please answer the questions below to proceed.
1) What is the 2nd digit of the number you should contact in the event of a Fire?
2) What was the 5th adjective used in the 7th paragraph of the 8th stage.

There were 10 of these questions. And I was not allowed to visit specific previous pages. It was answer the questions, or start again.

Luckily it was all multiple choice, so I picked likely looking answers at random, and got all of them right, printed off my pass, and collected my key.

This is post one of at least three. Check back soon for the restrictions on Meal Vouchers and Buffets.

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